Ending My Affair

Affairs in the news are revving up

Dr. Miner — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 14:37:23 +0000

After a nice quiet period, it seems affairs in the news are heating up again. First we had Bobby Petrino at the beginning of the month, and now Brian Dunn of Best Buy. You can read a very interesting article about the Best Buy scandal here. Some of the things that we find particular “scary” about this one are:
- The other woman in question is not named (in this article) but the journalists have managed to find her, through her family and her Facebook page
- The woman’s age and job / division at the company are named
- The CEO’s communications with others can be followed via his Twitter account
- An investigation began on Thursday and the CEO resigned on Monday; the company has said the investigation has nothing to do with company operations or finances

Lessons learned: Your lover might say “Don’t worry, we won’t be found out.” Or, “We have to be discreet.” Or, if he his in a position of power (or thinks he is) he might promise, “I can take care of it.” But, with the proliferation of social media, someone who wants to find you can do so, nearly instantaneously – which can lead to them contacting your friends and family, co-workers and more.
Considering that so few affairs work out for the “other woman,” is it worth it to take this risk?

Cheating spouses have a car that clues you in?

Dr. Miner — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 13:47:09 +0000

This is interesting / bizarre / funny – we thought we’d share:

A stray lipstick smudge, suspicious work schedules and furtive late-night texting may be the sign of a cheating spouse — but so may be a Camry or Accord parked on their side of the garage. Infidelity site AshleyMadison.com — tagline: “life is short, have an affair” — conducted an admittedly unscientific survey of 3,600 member respondents and found that the majority of straying men drive Toyotas, while more unfaithful women choose Honda models. But not all dogging spouses are fans of imports: Ford was the number-two choice among both cheating males and females.

For once “the man” pays

Dr. Miner — Wed, 11 Apr 2012 12:22:55 +0000

Ok, we might be too giddy about this newest affair in the news, and the wreckage it has caused, but from our perspective, it is always the ‘other woman’ who suffers when an affair ends, and in this case, it is the perpetrator.

How many things can you count that Petrino did?
Lie to wife
Lie to university: athletics dept., HR dept, fellow employees, the boss
Misuse police power to try to manipulate the situation

Yes, the other woman has been identified, but so far it seems the media is leaving her alone. He is 50, she is 25. Who do YOU think the media should be pursuing?

Finally, with great distress but no question about the “right” thing to do – Petrino has been fired. And look how much he has lost:

in the middle of a seven-year contract under which his salary averaged $3.53 million per year. A clause gave Long the right to suspend or fire the coach for conduct that ”negatively or adversely affects the reputation of the (university’s) athletics programs in any way.”

Long said Petrino was fired ”with cause” — meaning he will not receive the $18 million buyout detailed in the contract — and there were no discussions about ways to keep Petrino at Arkansas.

You can see more of the story here.

Mr.Wonderful

forgetu — Wed, 11 Apr 2012 12:10:04 +0000

I met him at works during summer school never talked to him there when the new school year began I was transferred to the school he was at , at first it was very proffesional we never really talked until one day he asked me if I was married I responded no but I have been in a relationship for eight years he told me he was married didnt really think too much of the question then he wrote me a note telling me he thought I was beautiful and in it he said that if I didnt have a boyfriend he would b interested in getting to know me better…then came the asking of my number I told him no on a couple of occassions then he said I will only text u during work hours so curiosity came over me and I gave it to him …he started texting me during work started telling me about his life wife kids let me add I was 28 he was 50 , he told me how.there was no love in his marriage how he has never cheated how they hadnt had sex in over 7 years ..i started opening up to him the rexting continued we went on winter break and ge texted me out of work hours we were like highschool teenagers texting till the morning ,my boyfriend never really paid attention to what I was doing he slept in different bedroom due to his snoring and he slept on the couch at his home , then he started calling me baby texting moved to phone calls then we returned to work he asked if we could meet after work we met at a parking lot he just hugged me , the next day we kissed I started meeting him before work and after work we hugged kissed talked and then he started telling me he loved me took me a while to say those words back , then came the intimate moments he said it was makung love and it was , unlike anything I ever had before he was sweet and gentle made me feel protected I fell in love with him head over heels , his wife started to become suspicious after she saw a message where he said he loved me and called me babe so we started emailing instead of texting but I would still see him daily he said he didnt care that he wasnt going to lose me , 6 months in I switched jobs further from him I was devastated I could feel myself losing control , then the wife started going through his phone record saw my number everyday she also read emails ,but he still said he wasnt going to lose me,so we had to b more careful , words with friends was our texting method and he also bought a second phone , a year later things started to change he would get upset and not talk to me for days he knew I couldnt reach him so it was like he was in control , he always said he couldnt.leave because he wasnt going to lose half of everything to her , but I couldnt get mad I had to understand his situation was the answer I got , if he wouldnt call or send a message I was inpatient if I got upset I was too emotional then he started telking me maybe we should go our seperate ways but then he would change his.mind , and I let him do this over and over , he would till me I will never leave u , me and u are one, ur my love , no one has ever loved me like you , there is nothing like making love to you ,empty promises so here we are now he got mad cause I said he didnt care a week has gone by since he has spoken to me , I have cried sent messages and gotten no responses in my times of anger I want to call the wife , y does he get to break my heart and walk away and keep his perfect family , in my head I know its over ,but my heart wont let go but this time im determined to let it go I dont want to cry or hurt anymore I have stopped sending him messages I have deleted his emails I want to b strong but it hurts , im trying to maje my relationship with my boyfriend work , I am upset with myself that I fell for this man who has kids almost as old as me everyday is a battle but I want to forget and let go , we dont live near eachother so thats good but I still miss him

Front page article on affairs – USA Today, today

Dr. Miner — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 19:53:59 +0000

Wow. The website Ashley Madison has hit the big time (if you ask us) Their website, which unabashedly allows married men to find willing women to have affairs with them, has landed a front page article in USA Today.

While the article does discuss other sites that enable affairs (there are 33 according to the article!) Ashely Madison is the clearly the focus of the article.
The owner, Noel Biderman, states that the day after Valentine’s Day is traditonally their busiest day of the year. He says that disappointed spouses look for other sources of attention (and he clearly defines it as attention – not love!) when Valentine’s Day doesn’t turn out to be what they had hoped.

Interestingly, Valentine’s Day happens to be one of the busiest times of year for us, at Ending My Affair, too. Don’t you find that odd? There is a spouse that is not satisfied and looks FOR an affair. There is “another woman” who is not satisfied and looks to END her affair knowing that her lover is never going to be “the one” for her.

Just makes you think.

We wish EVERYONE a happy valentine’s day. And hope that most importantly, you love yourself.

Tables are turned

diamond7 — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 19:34:32 +0000

Is anyone out there been in my situation: I am married, I was 50/50 in starting an affair almost 6 years ago and I ended it this June. I am having a really hard time dealing with this.

What do I do.

justme — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 19:20:43 +0000

I am currently involved in an affair that I know is wrong we are both married. He is my boss we work in a small office only 3 of us total and I spend 5 hrs a day alone with him so it was very easy to get attached and form a relationship. It started so simple and subtle, I knew I cared for him but it was just like you care for a friend, or so I thought. Our relationship started slow we did not just jump into bed in fact we still have not had sex. It started slow with a back rub, a kiss on the cheek and then one day he asked if he could kiss me, I told myself its just a kiss lets just see how it feels. It was a powerful kiss didn’t expect to get a kiss that would make me feel so connected, so desired, and aroused. So our realtionship moved pretty fast from there. I tried once in the midst of it to stop it, tell him we should not do this, but of course I could not keep my hands off him either so that attempt went out the window. Of course as with most intimate relationships emotions grew stronger and I now love him and he said he loves me,< this just happened a few days ago we talked all day about what life would be like if we were together married. At the end of the day we decided maybe we should end this give our marriages we were currently in a chance before we make any life altering decisions or get caught so I went home crying with a broken heart but I knew it was what had to be done. Well that did not last long the next day we talked again and decided to keep it simple no sexual connection, as if that made it easier. I think I love him more now. There are more than a few snags though for one he is 22 yrs older than me so (my dads age), his wife is a little crazy and I would honestly fear for what she would do to him if he asked for a divorce. I know he wants a divorce with or without me I have known that for a while the marriage is on the rocks. My marriage on the other hand has always been a good marriage, we have 2 wonderful kids together we have never had any big issues in our marriage. My husband is good to me we are intimate with eachother and emotionaly connected. Thats why I can not figure this out I have always thought myself to be a faithful person and I love my spouse yet this still happened. What to do now how to end the affair? There really is no way I can have both so I have to end the affair it’s what is right so why don’t I want to why do i make up stupid excuses to make CHEATING ok…….??????? Whats my problem? Please help any advice is much appreciated.

I did it. I ended it.

justme — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 19:19:02 +0000

Very good! We are proud of you!
- Dr Miner

BOO on Valentine’s Day

Dr. Miner — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 22:30:51 +0000

This is it.
This is the month that makes or breaks a lot of relationships founded in an affair with a married partner.

If this is the month that you say ENOUGH is ENOUGH – we are here to support you!

Take 50% off the download price of our book This Affair is Over this month only.

That’s right. HALF PRICE.

Use the coupon code: VDAY at checkout. Be sure to use all caps.
And, once you’ve read the book, please come back and tell us about your success!
You go girl!

Why WOMEN Cheat

Dr. Miner — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 10:48:58 +0000

We weren’t expecting to like this article, but actually – it provided some interesting insight. The article focuses on 5 women who cheated on their spouses and what they learned from their affairs. Some of the lessons learned can go both ways:
- Unhappiness in a marriage is not caused by one person (my wife never fill-in-the-blank)
- Poor communication and the failure to set boundaries or limits can cause one spouse to resent the other – without the other one even knowing it
- An affair is often the “way” someone is able to end a bad marriage – but they don’t end up with the person they had the affair with (so where does that leave you?)
- Often, if a couple gets counseling they realize what is wrong with their marriage, that the affair exposed (so where does that leave you?)