Here is some interesting insight in to what the man-half of your relationship is thinking…

I had this long distance affair/relationship that lasted for almost 5 years. I know this will sound weird but we’ve known each other since high school that’s why it was so easy to connect with him and carryon a relationship even on a long distance situation. Even if we don’t see each other personally and no physical contact, the connection and emotions were so real. I knew that he is married and I, on the other hand had problems with my own marriage at that time. I am now separated for about 2 years already. About a month ago, he told me thru text message that he is ending the relationship. During the 5-year relationship, I’ve tried so many times to prepare myself for this thing to happen. There were number of times when he said goodbye, but after few months, he would call again and back in our relationship. I thought I got used to this situation already, but somehow I feel and I know that this time its for good and it’s devastating. I know this is the right thing to do but moving on is so hard for me. I get depressed, feeling alone and rejected. I thought the breakup of this kind of relationship won’t be as hard but it is. I am embarassed to confide and tell this to my friends as I pretty much know what to expect. I feel so alone and devastated. I am trying my best to move on and to not get caught in this situation again, but I am struggling. I hope someone can help me ease the pain and loneliness.

This little video is probably more helpful for a wife to watch, than “the other woman” but we particularly like the first man interviewed who basically blames it on the other woman for “being available.” It’s akin to “why did you climb the mountain? because it was there.”

Here are some interesting factoids from our monthly review of Ending My Affair survey respondents:
- Of the last 25 women who filled out our survey, the oldest was 50 and the youngest was 30 – most are in the 36 – 47 range.
- The men are evenly split between their 30′s and their 40′s
- Although the most popular way to meet is still at work – some of the more interesting ways folks have met include:
= a relative (?!)
= met at a party – he was my boss 25 years earlier
= went to high school together / he was my first love
= hired him for a job

- Still, overwhelmingly, the women know he is married before they start the affair – this statistic has not changed since we started our survey
- For the FIRST time the “still involved” metric has outpaced the “our affair is over” metric. Hmmmm
- Still consistent: Most of the men were married over 11 years before the start of their affair
- Ninety percent of the men have had at least one other affair; 46% have had at least 2 prior affairs
- Twenty-eight percent of our respondents (women) have had at least one other affair

- Our favorite recent response of when he said he would leave his wife: When everything falls in to place.

Well, that’s specific, isn’t it?

Shirley Eskapa, a South African author, who published a book in 1984 that caused quite a stir, has died. Eskapa’s book, “Woman vs. Woman” explored the subject of “the wife” whose husband is having an extramarital affair. Rather than seeing “the other woman” (whether that is the mistress or the wife) as the enemy, she wrote, you need to realize you are in the same boat. He is not being honest or fair to either one of you.

Much like our book, the impetus to write her book was the observations she made of two of her friends who both had husbands who strayed in their marriage. One wife took the road of patience and waited until his “crisis of ecstasy” had run its course. The other woman, she reported, “behaved like a shrew. All of her intelligence deserted her, and the marriage ended in catastrophe.”

An amusing quote from Eskapa’s book :
“No general approaches a war with anything like the profound enmity of one woman warring against another over a man.”

One profound thing that Eskapa noted, and it is something we say as well, but we come at it from a different angle…
She says men are hard-wired for promiscuity and it is in no way the fault of their wife; moreover, extramarital affairs can be surmounted in otherwise happy marriages. Our angle, on this same topic, is: He is probably not leaving his marriage. It is not about you. It is about him. And once he gets over his “hard wiring” of promiscuity, in all liklihood, YOUR relationship will be over, not the marriage.

Eskapa’s book was written 10 years before ours, and it approaches the topic of extramarital affairs from the perspective of the wife, but it has remarkable similarities to This Affair is Over! in the lessons that it imparts to its readers.